Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
