Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
