If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
