Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
