yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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