There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
