Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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