I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
