I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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