look no pants
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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