Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
