Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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