One girl and one boy is just not enough.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
