Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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