Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
