fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
