Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
