so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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