Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
