Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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