I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
