Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
