do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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