It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
