one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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