Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
