I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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