The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
please come you make the beer taste better
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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