I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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