Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
