She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
