Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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