I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
