Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
