when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
