Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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