we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
