I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
