That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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