I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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