He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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