he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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