those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
