You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
