I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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