Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
