I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
