Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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