I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
