I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
