I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
