I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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